Pen or Pencil??? That is the question.

Mom: Come on Brady, we have to get moving or we'll be late for hockey!

Brady: I don't wanna go to hockey!  I hate hockey!

Mom: You're going.  We've already signed you up this year & paid a lot of money for you to play, and we don't quit things we start.  It's called being committed.

Brady: Well, I wish you never paid any money for hockey & I don't want to play next year, so don't pay any more money!

Mom:  Brady, you're being very rude to Mommy & very unappreciative.  I really don't like this attitude at all & I don't think Santa likes it either.  He's watching you all of the time you know.

* we finish getting ready & head to the arena, in the car the conversation continues *

Brady: Mom, I'm sorry I was rude to you at home.

Mom: Thank you for saying sorry Brady.  That's very nice of you.

Brady: Mom, do you think when Santa was watching me be rude to you earlier, that he wrote my name on the 'Naughty List' in pencil, so now he could maybe erase it since he heard me say sorry?

Mom: Yeah, I think you're back to the 'Good List'.

Brady: Okay.  Wow, that was close!  Good thing he didn't write it in pen!

Mom: Yeah, good thing!

Brady: Or maybe if he writes it in pen, he could just scribble it off?

Mom: Or maybe you could just be nice all of the time, so that you won't get on the 'Naughty List' at all?

You don't have to brush all of your teeth...just the ones you want to keep...

Mom: Brady come brush your teeth before school.

Brady: Okay.

* Brady comes into bathroom & begins brushing his teeth; a minute passes. *

Mom: Are you still brushing your teeth?

Brady: Yes.

Mom: Are you getting all of the teeth in the back too?

Brady: I thought I only had to brush the ones I wanted to keep?

Mom: Brady, that's a joke.  You need to brush all of your teeth, not just the front ones.

Brady: Fine.  I'm brushing them all.

Mom: Do I need to come check them?

Brady: No Mom, I reached all the way back to my lungs!

Mom: Good job buddy!

Animal cruelty, robbers & sneezing...yeah those are all the same...

Mom: Wake up Brady.

* Brady slowly begins to wake *

Mom: Come on honey.  Time to get up.

Brady: My eyes are open Mom.

Mom: Okay, thanks.

Brady: Mom, guess what?  Zelda slept with me all night!!!

Mom: That's great!

Brady: That's REAL love Mom when your pet sleeps with you all night!

Mom: I know.

Brady: Mom, I don't know how any people could hurt their animal pets?

Mom: Me neither buddy.  It's not nice at all.

Brady: Two terrible things in the world are people who hurt their animal pets and robbers.

Mom: You're right.

* Brady sneezes 4 times *

Mom: Bless you, bless you, bless you, bless you.

Brady: Thanks Mom.  Sneezing lots of times is another terrible thing in this world.

Mom: You're right again honey.

It's so simple...

Mom: Brady, come on buddy, you need to get up & be quick this morning.  Mommy slept in, so we have to rush.  I can't be late.

Brady: Why did you sleep in Mama?

Mom: 'Cause I was really tired Brady.  Please honey, get dressed quickly.

Brady: Do you want me to hug you Mom, so we can get ready quicker?

Mom: Definitely buddy, if you think that'll make us quicker, give me a big hug.

* Brady hugs Mom tightly *

Brady: Why are you so tired?

Mom: I don't know sweety, but can you please get dressed & stop asking questions until we're in the car?

Brady: Okay.  When we're in the car going to school, can I ask questions again?

Mom: Yes, you can.

Brady: That was a question Mom.

Mom: Yes, you're right, it was.

Brady: I have an idea.

Mom: What is it?

Brady: It's so simple Mom.  You could go to bed earlier at night, then you won't be tired & you won't sleep in.

Mom: Yeah, thanks for sharing your idea Brady.  Okay, new plan.  No talking at all until we're ready to go & in the car headed to school.

Brady: That's not so simple for me Mom.

Mom: I totally understand buddy.

Technology is good. And fun.

Mom: Brady, can you please put your shoes on, 'cause we have to go soon?

Brady: Mom, do you know how our bums make the fart noise?

Mom: Like how the noise comes out?  Uumm, no I don't think I do.  Do you?

Brady: Yeah, it's from satelites.

Mom: Like satelites in the sky?  They make the noises for farts?

Brady:  Yeah, satelites make all loud noises - radios, farts, banging.

Mom: Who told you that satelites make fart noises come from our bums?

Brady: Daddy's Kim told me that.

Mom: Well, Kim is really smart, so she might be right; and since I don't know, we'll just go with that.

Brady: I think she's right too.

Mom: Wow, technology sure is something!

Brady: What's technology?

Mom: It's what people use to make things work like satelites, television, cell phones, PSP...

Brady: And my DS too?

Mom: Yup.

Brady: Yeah, technology is good.  And fun.

Mom: Brady, this is a strange conversation.

Brady: It is?  Why?

Mom: Never mind...can you please get your shoes on?

Can a 5 year old change the world? DAMN SKIPPY!

* reported to me by the daycare teacher who shall remain nameless *

Daycare Teacher: Brady, why did you & Kaleb say that Aiden is gay?  That's not nice to call him gay & it's bad.

Brady: No it's not.

Daycare Teacher: Yes Brady, it is mean to call people gay & it's bad.

Brady: You're wrong ________.  My Sara & Crystal are gay and they're not bad.  They love me, and they're my Mom's friends, and they're dog mother's too.  They let me eat cookies & freezies at their house, and I get to watch cartoons there too, and play video games.  And they're nice to me, even though Sara makes me eat all of my dinner.

Daycare Teacher: Oh, you're right.  That's not what I meant though.

Brady: What did you mean ________?

Daycare Teacher: Well, I meant that you shouldn't call anyone names.  Being gay isn't bad.

Brady: I told you it's not bad.  Stealing is bad.  Lying is bad.  Not sharing is bad.  Being conjested is bad.

Daycare Teacher: Thank you Brady.

Brady: You're welcome.

Are we there yet?

* driving on Hwy. 401 *

Brady: Mom, are we in Windsor yet?

Mom: Nope.

Brady: Are we still in Hamilton?

Mom: Nope.

Brady: Where are we?

Mom: We're in London.

Brady: Is that in this world?

Mom: Yes.

Brady: Is it London world?

Mom: No, London is in Ontario; all of the places we visit are in this world.

Brady: Where's the North Pole?

Mom: At the top of the world.

Brady: I wanna go to the North Pole.

Mom: Why?

Brady: Because then I could look down & see all of the people in the world.  Plus, Santa lives there.

Mom: Oh okay, but I think it's pretty cold there.

Brady: Yeah, but I'd just wear my jammies, because then I'd be all warm & comfy cozzy.

Mom: Yeah, that makes sense.

Brady: When can we go to the North Pole?

Mom: I'm not sure Brady.  Can't you just ask 'Are we there yet?' like most kids?

Brady: Yeah I could, but why would I do that?

Mom: Never mind.

The truth shall set you free...or make you laugh...

Mom: Uumm Brady...Jen told me that she found out you were trying to teach Taylor how to shoot the finger to say the 'F' word.  Is that true?

* Brady looking at Mom with a blank face & no response *

Mom: Tell the truth Brady, I want you to tell me why you did that & what you were thinking.  No lies.

Brady: I did try to teach that to Taylor.

Mom: Why?

Brady: I don't know.

Mom: That's not an answer.  I want the real answer.  Why did you do that?

Brady: Because.

Mom: What were you thinking?

Brady: I was thinking that I wouldn't get caught & have to tell you about it.

* Mom trying desperately not to laugh at Brady's honesty *

Mom: Uumm, thank you for telling me the truth, but NO MORE teaching bad words to other kids!

Brady: Are you gonna tell my Dad I did a swear word with my finger?

Mom: I do have to tell Daddy.

Brady: Don't forget to tell him that I told the truth though?

Mom: Okay.

Swimming Lessons Are For Wimps!

Mom: Wow Brady, you're really a good swimmer now!!!

Brady: I know Mom!  Watch this...

* holds breath & swims underwater towards me *

Mom: WOW!!!  I'm so impressed with what a great swimmer you are now!  You're doing so well honey!

Brady: Thanks Mom!

Mom: How do you think you became such a great swimmer?

Brady: Because I hit triangle triangle, circle circle, square square, ex ex.

Mom: You hit what?  What does that mean?

Brady: When I play the game "God of Wars" on Playstation, I make the guy go underwater by hitting triangle triangle, circle circle, square square, ex ex.  That's how I learned how to swim.

Mom: Um, don't you think that swimming lessons has helped?

Brady: No no, I definitely learned how to swim from Playstation; swimming lessons are for wimps!

I sooooo don't get it...

Brady: Mom, wanna hear a joke?

Mom: Sure.

Brady: How do you make 2 adults laugh?

Mom: How?

Brady: Give them a ride on 2 dinosaurs!!!  * laughing hysterically *

Mom: Uumm Brady, I don't think that's really all that funny.  Do you know what a joke is?

Brady: Yeah.

Mom: A joke is supposed to make people laugh.

Brady: I'm a people & I laughed, so it's a joke.

Mom: Yeah, but it doesn't make sense buddy, so it's really not that funny.

Brady: It makes sense.  Adults riding on dinosaurs.  That's funny Mom.

Mom: Okay, if you say so.

Brady: Dinosaurs are huge, people are small & dinosaurs are all dead now, don't you get it Mom?

Mom: Not really bud.  * laughing *

Brady: Do you get it now, because now you're laughing?  Maybe you don't get it because you're old.

Mom: Yeah, okay.  I get it.

Brady: Did you know that they had to make heaven huge to fit the dead dinosaurs?

Mom: No, I didn't know that Brady, but that makes sense.

Brady: See Mom, you learned some stuff today!

Mom: Yes.  Yes, I did.

If you ain't got trust, you ain't got nothin'...

Mom: Brady, what are you doing down there?  Why are you so quiet?

* silence...no response *

Mom: Brady?

Brady: Nothing.  I'm just being quiet.  I'm not doing anything.

* long silent pause *

Brady: And I'm not in the 'Stay-Out' closet either, so don't come down here Mom.

Sleepin' wit da fishes...

Mom: Are you excited about camping with Daddy & Kim at Papa Robbie's trailer?

Brady: Yeah, but Casey isn't.

Mom: Oh, I'm sure Casey is excited too.  You can ask him when you see him on Tuesday with Daddy.

Brady: No Mom, he's not; because Daddy said that if Casey poops his pants at Papa Robbie's trailer, he's going to take Casey's pants off, put him in the lake, and let the fish clean his bum.

* Mom laughing hysterically *

Mom: Brady, your Dad was joking when he said that.  Fish aren't gonna clean Casey's bum.

Brady: Are the fish going to eat Casey's bum?

* Mom laughing harder *

Mom: No honey, no fish are going to clean or eat Casey's bum.  If Casey has an accident in his pants, Daddy or Kim will wash him up & change his underwear.  You don't have to worry.

Brady: I'm not worried about it.

Mom: Oh okay.

Brady: I don't think Daddy was joking though Mom, because he wasn't laughing & he wasn't trying to make me laugh either.

Mom: Trust me honey, Daddy was joking around.  Maybe he didn't laugh, but it was like a joke to try to help Casey not have accidents in his pants.  Why don't you help Casey too, so he sees that you're a 'Big Boy' & then he'll want to be like you?

Brady: I am a 'Big Boy', and I don't have accidents, and I don't want ANY fish cleaning my bum!!!

Mom: Okay, I'll let Daddy & Kim know.

* Mom laughing hysterically into tears *

When it rains, it pours...

Mom: Hey Brady, did you hear the storm last night?  There was lots of loud thunder!

Brady: Um Mom, I was sleeping, so I turned my ears off.  How do you think I hear if I'm asleep and my ears are turned off?

Mom: Oh, right.  That makes sense.

Ain’t about the cha-chang cha-chang; ain't about the ba-bling ba-bling...

Brady: Here you go Mom, I'm gonna put this money by your purse.

Mom: What is it?  Why are you giving me money?

Brady: I'm giving you 2 pennies & 2 diamonds.

* sets 2 pennies & 2 dimes next to Mom's purse *

Brady: You can use it for Tim Hortons today.

Mom: Okay, thanks buddy.

Brady: I'm also giving you that money to say thank you.

Mom: Thank you for what?

Brady: Thank you for everything you do for me.  Like for giving me a loonie yesterday, and then for not being mad at me for losing the loonie.

Every wedding needs one...

Brady: Mom, when there's another wedding some day, could I be the 'Rainbow Boy' again?

Mom: The 'Rainbow Boy' - what's that?

Brady: Like I was when Auntie Dawn & Uncle Greg got married.

* Brady was the 'Ring Bearer' at his Auntie Dawn & Uncle Greg's wedding *

Workin' da ladies!!!

Brady: Oh Mama, maybe I should arrest you for being so beautiful!

Mama: Aaww, thanks buddy!  Where did you learn that?

Brady: I heard it in a movie, but I can't remember which one, but I knew you'd like it.

Mama: You were right!

Who wears the pants?

Mom: Time to get dressed buddy.

Brady: But I don't want to wear pants. I want to wear shorts.

Mom: It's raining & cool out today, so you're wearing pants.  Do you remember what Daddy said last night?

Brady: Yes.

Mom: Okay, let's get you dressed.

Brady: *pouting while getting dressed*

Brady: Can I wear shorts tomorrow if it's not raining?

Mom: Not if it's still cool outside.

Brady: Why did Daddy have to tell you that I have to wear pants FOREVER?  It's not fair!

Mom: You don't have to wear pants forever Brady.  When the weather warms up, you can wear shorts.

Brady: It's never going to be warm outside, and my Dad thinks it's always cold out, so he's gonna make me wear pants FOREVER.  But when I'm a Daddy, I'm gonna let my kids wear shorts all the time, and no coats or sweaters either.

Mom: What if your kids get cold in shorts though, wouldn't you want them to be warm?

Brady: Well, if my kids say they're cold in shorts, I'm gonna tell them to go see my Dad, because my Dad LOVES pants?!  He always says "I'm the Dad & I wear the pants."

We need to talk Dad...

Brady: When I grow up I wanna be a Daddy like my Daddy.

Mom: That's great & you're lucky to have such a great Daddy too.

Brady: Yeah, I do have a great Dad, because he lets me eat chocolate and play video games too.   Although, he could let me eat more junk, but he still won't.  I'm gonna talk to him about that.

Spelling IS important...

* watching James Durbin singing on 'American Idol' *

Brady: Mom, do you like his singing?

Mom: Yeah, I do.  Do you?

Brady: Oh yeah, I really like how he sings.  And he's a fox!

Mom: Pardon me?

Brady: He's a fox.  The t.v. says so.  See, at the bottom.  F - O - X.

* pointing to the network logo in the bottom right hand corner of the screen *

Mom: Oooohhhh, right!

Age is just a number...

Mommy: Brady, we're going to see Gramps at the funeral home, because he passed away.  That means he died, and is living with God in Heaven now.

Brady: Is Daddy going to be there?

Mommy: Yes, Daddy will be at the funeral home too.

Brady: Is Daddy dead too?

Mommy: NO!  Only Gramps has died.  All of our family will be alive there, except Gramps.  He lives with God now.

Brady: Did Gramps die because someone shot him?

Mommy: NO!!!  He died because he got very old.

Brady: Like 115 years old?  Because when you get to be 115 years old you die.

Mommy: Well, no he wasn't that old.

Brady: Was he 100 years old?  Because you don't die if you're just 100 years old.

Mommy: Gramps was almost 78 years old, but sometimes people die before they're 100 years old & sometimes they live longer.

Brady: Did someone cut Gramps in half and that's why he died?

Mommy: NO!!!!!!  He died from being too old; no one shot any one, and no one cut any one in half?!?!

Brady: Okay.  I think I'm going to live to be 100 years old.  Unless someone shoots me or cuts me in half.

Mommy: Can we talk about something else now?

Brady: Sure.  Did you know that if you lick your lips too much & then put a lot of salt on your food it'll sting?

Mommy:  Thanks for the 'heads-up'.

Brady: You're welcome.

When I grow up...

Mommy: Eat your dinner buddy, because I want you to keep growing.

Brady: I am really hungry tonight, so I am going to eat all of my dinner, because I want to grow up to be big & strong like my Daddy.

Mommy: That's great!

Brady: Do you know why I want to be big & strong like my Daddy when I grow up?

Mommy: No, why?

Brady: Because then I'll be able to make the rules for him!

With friends like you, who needs enemies?!

Mom: Come on Brady, time to clean up your toys & get ready for your bath.

Brady: I don't want to take a bath tonight.

Mom: You are, so get cleaning up & put all of your toys away.

Brady: Mom, can you help me clean up?

Mom: No, I'm sorry I can't.  I'm getting your bath ready & making your lunch for school tomorrow.

Brady: Mom, do you know what that's called if you don't help me clean up my toys?

Mom: No, I don't.  What's it called?

Brady: It's called "not being a friend"!

Mom: Oh, well lucky for me, I'm your Mom first, and your friend second.

Paper doesn't beat anything?!

Brady: Why are we selling my 'Diego Sit 'n' Spin' toy?

Mom: Well, you're really getting too big for it, and you don't use it at all anymore, so it's time to get rid of some of the extra toys you have.  With the money you make you can buy yourself something new though.

Brady: Can I buy a Tim Horton's Strawberry-Banana Fruit Smoothie?

Mom: Yup.

Brady: Will I have a loonie when I sell my toy?

Mom: Yup.

* Driving to Tim Horton's after toy sold, Brady's holding his $10.00 bill that he made from the sale; then looking into the back seat to a sullen Brady, with tear filled eyes. *

Mom: Why are you so quiet?  What's wrong?

Brady: I don't want this piece of paper?!  You said I could have a loonie!

How many are you???

Mom: Hey buddy, look what I got for us to share!

Brady: What?

Mom: Chocolate & peanut butter mini-eggs...yummy!

Brady: Awesome!  Hey Mom, I'm gonna take 4 to start, because I'm 4 years old; but don't you take how many you are, because you're VERY old.

Mom: Okay, thanks Brady.

Forever + 1 Day

Brady: Mom, I want to stay with you forever.

Mom: Aaawww, thanks baby.  I want you to stay with Mommy forever too.

Brady: Yeah, I'm going to stay with you for like 100 days Mom.

* Brady gives Mom a BIG hug *

You stink!

* waking up *

Mom: Brady, come lay in Mommy's bed for a quick snuggle before we have to get ready.

Brady: No.

Mom: Please!

Brady: Okay.

* Brady crawls into Mom's bed, snuggles & cuddles ensue *

Mom: I love you Brady & you smell so great!

Brady: I do?

Mom: Yes honey, you do.

Brady: What do I smell like?

Mom: You smell like love!

* Brady burying his nose into Mom's neck & taking a BIG sniff *

Brady: You smell like yummy Plah-Doh!

May the Force be with you.

Brady: Mom, can we go to Tim Horton's for a donut?

Mom: No Brady, because you already had a treat after hockey today.

Brady: Why not though?

Mom: Because Brady, you've already had some candy today, and who bought you that treat?

Brady: You did.

Mom: That's right, so don't you think you're lucky to have such a nice Mom that buys you treats?

Brady: Yes, you are a nice Mom; that's why I wanted to come out of your tummy, and no one else's.  I came out of your tummy first, right Mom?

Mom: Yes, you did.

Brady: Do you know who was the first person born in the entire world though Mom?

Mom: No, who was it Brady?  * expecting to hear Jesus or God *

Brady: Yoda.

Because...

Mommy: Buddy, how come you're so cute?

Brady: Uumm, because.

Mommy: Because why?

Brady: Uumm, because that's how I'm made.

It's not THAT bad.

Mom: Time to get up Brady.  Come on honey, it's your last day of school & then the weekend is here.

Brady: Why do you have to pay for me to go to school?

Mom: I don't pay for you to go to school.  It's free.

Brady: WHAT!?  Then why do I have to go?

Mom: Because it's the law, and if you don't go then Mommy & Daddy will get in trouble.

Brady: How much trouble?

Mom: We'd have to go to jail.

Brady: If I don't go to school the police will put you & Daddy in jail?

Mom: Yes Brady, it's the law & we have to obey the law.

Brady: You know what - I don't think jail is THAT bad Mom.

Mom: You're going to school.  Get up.

The Biggest Loser

Brady: Mom, are you gonna go on t.v. to that show?

* we were watching 'The Biggest Loser' *

Mom: No.

Brady: You should think about it, because then you could exercise.

Mom: Thanks Brady.

Don't forget...

Brady: I never forget anything, except for the times I don't remember.

Super Bowl XLV

* Green Bay's 2nd touchdown *

Brady: YAY, the Green Bay got down!

* everyone laughing *

Brady: What, that's what my Dad is yelling right now too!

You wish!

Mom: Guess what Brady?

Brady: What?

Mom: It's snowing out, so school is cancelled.

Brady: FOREVER???

Mom: You wish...no...for today!  Hahahahaha!!!

Bye bye Mexico.

Brady: Bye bye Mexico.

* waving at the airplanes as we head to the parking lot on the airport shuttle to pick up our car *

Brady: Mom, when we were in Mexico * eyes closed *, I was dreaming dreaming dreaming.

Mom: I know.

Brady: But now * fist waving in the air *, DAMN YOU REALITY!!!

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

Brady: Mom, have you ever had sex?

Mom: * jaw on table *

Mom: Uumm Brady, where did you hear that word?

Brady: School.

Mom: Well, we don't ask people questions like that.  You're too young to be talking like that too, but someday Mommy & Daddy will talk to you about that word.

Brady: Okay.

Mom: Okay.

Brady: Hey Mom...

Mom: Yeah, what?

Brady: I think I'm gonna like Vegas.

He's a man with a plan!

* after school *

Mom: "Brady, why haven't you been eating your lunch at school?  Aren't you hungry?"

Brady: "Mom, I don't want to eat, 'cause I don't want to grow, and then I can be a kid forever!"

I hate school.

Mom: Brady, come on.  Time to get up.  It's your last day of school & Daddy's picking you up at school tonight too!

Brady: Do I get a day off?

Mom: You get 2 days off, and you get 2 sleepovers with Daddy & Kim.

Brady: I need 100 days off.

Mom: Well, school doesn't give 100 days off.

Brady: I hate school.

Mom: Don't say that.

Brady: I do.  I hate school.

Mom: Brady, I don't like to hear that.  School is fun.

Brady: No it's not.  I hate school.  There aren't even any toys there.

Mom: Yes there are toys there & school can be fun.

Brady: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  There's no schedule.  There's no activities.  All we do is sit on a carpet & learn all day.

Red Wings Rule

Mom: Put your hat on.

Brady: I don't want to wear my hat.

Mom: It's cold outside.  You need your hat.  Put it on.

Brady: * puts hat on *

Mom: Your hat is on backwards.

* Detroit Red Wings logo on the back of his head *

Brady: No it's not.  I want the Red Wings in the back.

Mom: Why?  That's silly.

Brady: I hate the Red Wings.

Mom: No you don't.  The Red Wings are awesome.

Brady: No.  I hate the Red Wings.  The Leafs are awesome.  I like the Leafs.

* BIG smile on his face taunting Mom *

Mom: That's so mean.  Do you want Mommy, Daddy, Auntie Dawn & Papa Robbie to cry.

Brady: Yup.

Mom: Hey!  No one likes the Leafs anyway.

Brady: Yes.  Sandy does, and Uncle Greg, Papa and Uncle Dennis too.

Mom: But what about Mommy & Daddy?

Brady: Oh, Daddy likes the Leafs now too.

Mom: No he doesn't.

Brady: Yes, he does.  He told me. * BIGGER smile on his face *

Mom: I'm pretty sure Daddy doesn't like the Leafs.

Brady: You like the Leafs Mom.  I know you do Mom.

Mom: Okay, so after swimming lessons I'll be packing your clothes, so you can move out.

Brady: Yay!  * cheering & laughing *

Mom: Leafs suck!

Brady: No. Red Wings suck & smell like barf, and Leafs are awesome & smell like cake.

Mom: * pretends to cry *

Brady: * laughing hysterically *